Monday, March 11, 2024

Saddest Part of Living Is Saying Goodbye



Its been 14 years since we said goodbye to one of our fur children and best friend; Oliver. Holy $hit the pain, it NEVER gets any easier. I was not looking to adopt a pet when I took my buddy Rich to the animal shelter in St Pete Fl August of 95. But there he was, paw touching my face. Having to work 2, sometimes 3 jobs and volunteering at music venues and public radio plus traveling..I had no idea how a fur child would fit into my life but he did. Oliver loved traveling with me also.

I wrote about Oliver in 2010 in this blog. This one is about Mister Kitty.
Writing about their lives is part of the healing.

Mister Kitty 8.26.07-3.5.24

After saying goodbye to Oliver in 2010 I swore off adopting pets. I was content placing food out and making shelters for strays. I learned about using straw instead of materials that hold moisture and devising 'escape routes' on the containers, in case of predators.

My son and I would also run pet food drives for the homeless and no kill animal shelters.

In between one of my son's contracts from the ships when he vacationed in Seattle he visited one of the shelters and came home with 'Bogey' (named after Humphrey Bogart) on 1/22/14 (formerly named Othello, 3 months old) from the local shelter in Kent WA. He said Bogey reminded him of his first kitty, Ebony, who we adopted from a shelter in the Bronx when he was a little boy.

Bogey got closer and closer to me because of my son's long cruise ship hiatuses. I posted a photo of him titled "House Panther" on this blog in 2014.

A year later, in the Winter of 2015 I saw what I thought was a raccoon eating birdseed in our backyard on top of a tree stump. I placed birdseed up there for those that did not use the bird feeders. Turned out to be a cat. I said "Hi there!" he turned around, looked at me and came right over wanting some loving. He was so sweet!

Sometimes you don't have to go looking, they find you.

I asked around the neighborhood to find out if he belonged to any of our neighbors. Our neighbor Chuck told me he had been feeding the cat for a couple of weeks but could not let him indoors because his wife is allergic plus they had a dog. Chuck had been calling him "Charlie" It was getting very cold outside. I put him in the garage, placed a heater a litter box, food, water bowls and fixed him a bed. I had to make sure he could be introduced to Bogey. They were very curious about each other, sniffing at the door.

In the garage before I could let him into the house.



I took him to the vet, that was my first clue that this cat was NOT into riding in cars. The vet found a chip. He had an eye infection, we had him treated, got meds to bring home. I called the registered owner's number on the chip and it turned out to be a lady from South Prairie WA, about an hour away, who explained the cat actually belonged to her son who fell on hard drugs. He had been staying at the State Park behind us. He had a girlfriend who had a dog. His name is "Mister Kitty" and he did not like dogs. The lady had been helping her son with the vet bills but she too had dogs. Her son had abandoned Mister in the park. She told me Mister is 8 years old, asked if I could foster until someone else could adopt him and give him a loving home. After I talked to her I went up to him and called him by his name. The look on his face was priceless! His eyes opened wide looking at me; "You know my name?!"

The lady sent me his vet records and we kept in touch for a while. We found out Mister was borderline diabetic, I had to get him special foods and make sure Bogey would not eat his food and vs.

We had pet insurance, in the beginning, it covered most of the vet visits. Until they didn't. The typical 'pre existing condition' scam. We cancelled it as it was costing more to keep it.

No one came forward to adopt the older kitty with medical issues but by then I had fallen in love with Mister, he was now part of the family and son's 'buddy' just like Oliver. He would run downstairs as soon as my son came in the door.





Bogey is a 'cool' cat. He is not very cuddly usually, only at his own terms, but he is also very intuitive when someone is having a difficult time he will come over to investigate. When my son was in the hospital Bogey would put both of his paws around my neck and 'kiss' me. Some people say cats are not affectionate and selfish but every cat that has been in our lives has always given us unconditional love. Past few days Bogey has been extra affectionate and has even taken to cuddling next to me on the sofa, where Mister used to lie down, instead of in his little warm tent, his favorite spot to nap in during chilly winter nights, unless he is laying by the window in the sun watching the birds. But he won't lie down in any of Mister's favorite spots or bed.

Oliver loved riding in a car. Bogey; meh. Mister on the other hand would have terrible panic attacks. I mean, crying the entire time, soiling himself.. I had to give him sedatives in order to take him to the vet, line the carrier with a waterproof pad and bring an extra. If I traveled anywhere I could place Bogey at the vet for a couple of days but had to find someone to come to the house to look after Mister if my son was overseas. My neighbor volunteered to look after him while I was gone, knowing that taking him anywhere would stress him out. So thankful as he was always helpful with 'Mister Charlie'

My awesome neighbor Kitty sitting "Mister Charlie" on the deck. 6.27.17



After saying goodbye to Oliver at the vet's, in 2010, I swore off to never do that again. NO clue how I made it home that day.

I always pray for a 'peaceful passing' in their sleep but not if it entails weeks of watching this innocent being that has given us so much love suffer. Mister was diagnosed last year with renal failure just like Oliver, after I noticed he was drinking lots of water and urinating a lot. I started him on subq treatments, like I had to with Oliver, special foods, making sure they would not affect the diabetes and it was a juggling act I began to lose. He was not crazy about many of the foods I had to give him. Oliver made it two years since his diagnosis.

I began spending close to $100. a month on litter alone, not counting the special foods and medicines. We started him on appetite stimulants as well as the subq's. My son and I had to take both of them to Petco's Vetco for vaccinations because after Covid the vet we were taking them to became too costly.

My son gave me a litter robot one Christmas, when he was making decent money on his job. I asked him not to get me pricey bubble baths, lotions...etc...that I really needed a robot. It was a game changer.

You have to buy clumping litter for robots, otherwise they don't work properly. With Oliver, before the robot, I was using a combination of natural corn litter mixed with wood pellets which turned out to be a bit more affordable, from the local farm store. After Mister was diagnosed, with constant use, the robot my son got me years ago, past its warranty, finally stopped working properly. Not completely, but I had to go downstairs and nudge it so it would turn after each use. Or, even after cleaning it out it would act like if the tray under was full. I invested in a refurbished one, which was almost as costly, $550.vs $200.- $300. more for a new one. I placed the wonky older robot upstairs, in what used to be my dining room, so I could tend to it as soon as it turned and the new one downstairs.

You are only supposed to clean those robots once a week. I had to empty the bottom drawer, of both, every single day since Mister was diagnosed with renal failure. That's how quickly water left his body.

Sadly, the two cats that used to sleep together now slept apart and at times fur flew. Bogey wanted to play but Mister was way past that stage and no patience because Bogey kept acting agressively towards him. Getting in his face, cutting off his path, swatting at him as he passed by... Most times Mister would ignore him but sometimes...

Trying to separate them once, I was knocked down, 2nd time, a broken toe. I had to constantly use calming plug-ins, specially in winter when they were both cooped up indoors. Late spring to early fall, no problem because the deck was Mister's domain. Thankfully those worked and the conflicts were reduced to rarely. I made sure one of them was in my bed with me, door closed at night, while I slept so there would be no fighting while I was sleeping.

Mister's health continued to decline. Appetite stimulants were no longer working. He would spend a good 1/2 hour in front of the water bowl or scrunched up in a tight position on the floor.

I knew he was in pain. Vet started him on Gabapentin. At first they put him to sleep all day long. I split them in 1/2 so he could at least enjoy his day and still go out on the deck on sunny days, his favorite place.

I was about to max out my credit card for at home mobile vet to help Mister cross the rainbow bridge, I knew it was time. All of them wanted $500. plus travel fees.

By now, He was dragging his back legs, barely able to stand, no longer eating, but somehow managed to climb up on my son's bed. Until his last day. He could not even drink water anymore, he threw it right back up. The vet told me she doubted he would have made it one more night.

A friend suggested I run a gofundme. I have never done one of those before. I have donated, when I could, but never put a page together. It was a lot easier on the phone than on a laptop. I'm a laptop person so it took some doing before I was able to put the page up. I hate asking folks for money but it was either that or continue watching him suffer. Putting that page up was the last thing I could do to help him after all the wonderful years he gave us.

We are incredibly grateful to all the friends that helped Mister cross peacefully. Cremation would have been another 300. but honestly, I could not part with his little body. I kept him with me that night, as I wished I could have with Oliver. My son asked me to let him hold him the next night. Mal came home from work, two nights and quickly began digging near the rose bushes. He got a euthanasia bag and a casket his size. We placed his favorite toy, a crystal rose Mal got him, his blanket and a card with our thoughts inside. We placed stone pavers so critters could not get to him and my son got him a beautiful plaque with a solar candle that "burns" at night.

Bogey knows something is up. He is acting extra needy and whiney. They may not have gotten along all the time but sometimes I would catch them snoozing closeby. I suppose they began to just tolerate each other.

Miss that tummy.



We miss him so much! I miss watching him run to the deck door, looking back at me and asking to go out. "Mom please?" even when it was raining. I would stand by the door and say "Mister, but its raining!" I would crack the door open so he could sniff out the rain, he would turn around and go back inside. When he asked me to pick him up. All I had to do was clap my hands, palms up and he would jump up, place his paws on my knees and wait for me to pick him up. One day I realized he knew how to give "High Fives!" he loved having his tummy rubbed. I wonder what other tricks he knew that he took with him when he left. Bogey is indifferent to catnip, Mister LOVED it. I left a bowl of it in his special spot in the kitchen where he ate.



The deck. Mister's Domain.



Thankfully, on his last day the sun was bright and it was a tad warmer. I laid a pad for him on the floor by the window and you could tell the sun was at least giving him some comfort.

When the sun passed West and the trees were blocking sunlight, I wrapped him up in my blanket and took him out one last time on the deck. He could barely hold his head up or open his eyes but he managed to lift his head higher than I'd seen him lift it past couple of days. I had him in my arms for 10 minutes. He wanted to get down but I knew he would not be able to walk around, plus it was still chilly. I brought him back inside and waited for the vet to arrive.

I wish I could have given him a few more years.



We loved you ten times more than we thought we ever could.
Sweet dreams baby boy.

Mister, please find Oliver, Ebony and Garcia and take care of each other.
Till we meet again.

Love, Mom



The mobile vet that came most recommended by our community was Lap of Love.
They were very kind, supportive and gentle.